So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize