How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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