You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
someone owes me an orgasm
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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