Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
