i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
