im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
