if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
