so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
