You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
