hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
