From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
