Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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