Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
