I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
