its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
