girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She told me I should be a condom model.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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