Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
