don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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