Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
