Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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