On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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