You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
