so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize