I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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