I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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