Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
