I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
