More tranny stories later!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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