sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
