I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
