I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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