I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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