You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
