Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
