there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
