got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize