You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
