yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
