I think i sorta joined a cult last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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