Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize