I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
