i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
