dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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