All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
