did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
