He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
