Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
