Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
