I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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