wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
