so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
