do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
