Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
