How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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