there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
