I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
