Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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