just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
