Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
