If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
