I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
