she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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