Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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