Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
