My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
