We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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